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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/26294179">let's throw our bones away</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/spacepuck/pseuds/a-bigail'>a-bigail (spacepuck)</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Fruits Basket, Fruits Basket (Anime 2019), Fruits Basket - Takaya Natsuki (Manga)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Gen, M/M, in which yuki tells kakeru about the curse, you can read this as yukeru or not but...... why wouldn't u</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-09-05</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-09-05</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-06 08:33:49</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>4,594</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/26294179</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/spacepuck/pseuds/a-bigail</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>There had been a change. It struck Yuki as he woke, at such an early hour that his room was still tinged blue from dawn, to a house still bereft of the morning noises he had gotten so used to that it still felt disorienting to not hear them. He woke early, first to a dry mouth, and then to a sense of dread sitting disquieted in his chest. And then, he had a thought:</p><p>There would always, always be more things to hide behind.</p><p>At first he had tried to go back to sleep, but instead of the words washing down to nothing but a tired and intrusive thought, they rattled in him. Scurrying under his bones, becoming so pervasive that he finally had no choice but to twist himself out of bed and attempt to walk it off instead. </p><p>He paced his bedroom. He went downstairs for water. He slid open one of the doors to stand on the engawa, still cool from dew, and tried to let the quiet of the morning settle him again. The gentle weight of early summer eked through the early hour and pressed to him, like hands cradling his jaw.</p><p>It all only served to wake him up further and have him think again, with a new clarity and urgency, that he needed to talk to Kakeru. </p><p>-</p><p>Yuki decides to finally tell Kakeru a secret.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Manabe Kakeru &amp; Sohma Yuki, Manabe Kakeru/Sohma Yuki</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>9</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>159</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>let's throw our bones away</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Yuki hadn’t intended on telling him. </p><p>Not so soon, anyway, and certainly not before he could safely say that some of his more pressing issues were more firmly behind him. Things that he speculated could maybe distract him, or dissuade him; things he thought would make talking too complicated. Unresolved family matters, put on hold as the main estate was suddenly intent on self-imploding. His own shortcomings, parts of him he still considered as barely scabbing over than scarred. Emotions that were still nebulous and hard to place into words.</p><p>Tohru...</p><p>But, there had been a change. It struck him as he woke, at such an early hour that his room was still tinged blue from dawn, to a house still bereft of the morning noises he had gotten so used to that it still felt disorienting to not hear them. He woke early, first to a dry mouth, and then to a sense of dread sitting disquieted in his chest. And then, he had a thought:</p><p>There would always, always be more things to hide behind.</p><p>At first he had tried to go back to sleep — it was the weekend, and he had to take the few days of sleeping in that he could get, regardless of whether he had been sleeping well the past week or not — but instead of the words washing down to nothing but a tired and intrusive thought, they rattled in him. Scurrying under his bones, becoming so pervasive that he finally had no choice but to twist himself out of bed and attempt to walk it off instead. </p><p>He paced his bedroom. He went downstairs for water. He slid open one of the doors to stand on the engawa, still cool from dew, and tried to let the quiet of the morning settle him again. The gentle weight of early summer eked through the early hour and pressed to him, like hands cradling his jaw.</p><p>It all only served to wake him up further and have him think again, with a new clarity and urgency, that he needed to talk to Kakeru. </p><p>When he let himself sit, he pressed his elbows to the low table and exhaled long down his arms, hands laced and pressed to the bone between his brows. This hadn’t been the first time he considered trying to explain things to his friend. He wasn’t without plenty of opportunities to do so in the past year of knowing him, between playful jabs striking something unspoken, and quieter moments spent alone at Kakeru’s apartment or wandering the schoolyard, comfortable but weighted with the understanding that he could confide in him again if he so chose. </p><p>And yet, every time he thought of it, he had turned himself away from the idea. It was too much, too soon. Too weird, even for Kakeru. Underneath everything, there was a pinpointed fear that his friend would consider <em> him </em>too much and too weird, and that was enough to stitch his mouth closed on the matter.</p><p>Another thought jabbed him. </p><p><em> I thought we were getting over this. </em> </p><p><em> I am, </em> he insisted. He was trying. But this wasn’t like past times of speaking seriously to his friend, about things woven into yet adjacent to his life. They had been difficult things, but they didn’t color his entire being. They were more like decorative patterns painted along his fingers and wrists, sprawling up his arms. </p><p>This was something that colored him so deeply it may as well have seeped past his skin. Something that, if he tried to carve it out, he would end up disappearing. </p><p>It made his stomach pang empty and awful. Yet, even still, the disquieted pit under his ribs wanted nothing more than to spill it out and let his friend take him as entirely as he could, as completely as he was. To finally let him know him in full and stop feeling as though he still needed to hold back and hide.</p><p>He thought blandly that this was too much to think about at this hour. He looked at his phone, the sharp white <em> 6:26AM, </em>and thought while unlocking it, pulling up his messages, that there could be no harm in leaving Kakeru a text asking if they could meet later. Casual enough to be just a normal hang out, but maybe just forward enough to satisfy the anxious swirl keeping him awake. </p><p>
  <em> Hey, are you free later today? </em>
</p><p>He held his breath, heart beating in his ears. </p><p>Once he sent it, he placed his phone face down on the table and let himself exhale. Kakeru wouldn’t get back to him until later, he knew, so there was no use sitting around waiting for a response. He pushed himself up to stand, figuring he could try going back to bed, or maybe try to eat— </p><p>The table rattled lightly under his fingertips as his phone buzzed in a long pattern.</p><p>He stilled. It buzzed again. He flipped it over.</p><p>
  <em> INCOMING CALL: KAKERU </em>
</p><p>He stared at the screen for some moments before finally answering. </p><p>“Hello?”</p><p>
  <em> “Oh, wow, it actually is you!”  </em>
</p><p>Yuki frowned, confused. Aside from the odd greeting, he didn’t expect Kakeru to sound as awake as he did. He still hadn’t fully shaken the gruff edges of just waking from his voice, but he was on the whole an anomaly in the quiet. </p><p>He sat again at the table. A breeze swept into the room and chilled his arms. </p><p>“What does that mean?”</p><p>
  <em> “I thought you were being held captive or something! You’re usually dead this early in the morning, you know, beauty sleep and all that princess stuff. You had me thinking that I’d finally get to be a hero and have to come rescue you.”  </em>
</p><p>“Oh.” Yuki huffed. “Sorry to disappoint.” </p><p>
  <em> “You could have been my damsel in distress—” </em>
</p><p>“Shut up. What are <em> you </em> doing up this early, anyway?”</p><p><em> “Ah, my manager decided that he hates my guts, so he scheduled me for opening today.” </em> Kakeru inhaled sharp, and then continued speaking through a yawn. <em> “The bastard.” </em></p><p>Yuki hummed a laugh with a passing sympathy. Behind his friend’s words, he could make out a faint rushing sound of a car passing.</p><p>“I can’t feel that bad for you when you decided to brag about pranking him immediately after it happened.”</p><p>
  <em> “He’s just sore he actually got got, but, whatever. I’ll pay my dues like a good ant in the colony and I’ll live to see another day. That’s not what’s important anyway! You said you wanna come over later? I get back around noon.” </em>
</p><p>Yuki clammed up somewhat. He swallowed. </p><p>“Uh, yeah. Yeah, if that’s okay with you.”</p><p>
  <em> “Hell yeah it is. Mom’s not gonna be back until way late anyways, so we have the place to ourselves. Any ideas of what to do, or should we just be at the whims of the day?”  </em>
</p><p>Drumming his fingers against the table, Yuki felt a pressure to say something more rise in him again. He breathed slow through his nose, and it wavered as he considered the weight of committing to this conversation that, prior to waking, he thought he could manage without confronting. </p><p>“Whims,” he said, distracted, before saying, “Actually, is it okay if I talk to you about something? Later, I mean.”</p><p><em> “Uh, yeah, of course.” </em> Kakeru paused for a half moment to gather an ounce of seriousness, dropping the casual tone for something bordering on light concern. Yuki almost wished he hadn’t. <em> “Something up?” </em></p><p>Yuki brushed a hand through his hair. His fingers snagged on bedhead knots as he pushed his bangs from his eyes.</p><p>“...I guess so,” he said. Then, “Yeah. It’s important.”</p><p>
  <em> “Ooh, sounds heavy. In that case, I’ll make sure to grab snacks to get through the damage.” </em>
</p><p>Yuki breathed a laugh, but it fell short and awkward. There was a short silence between them before Kakeru continued,</p><p>
  <em> “You sure you want to wait until later? I’ve got some time, if you gotta get something off your chest.” </em>
</p><p>“No, no.” Yuki straightened in his spot, sighing as he stretched out his legs. Glancing outside, he realized the sunlight had started to freckle the grass as it hit the trees. “I’d rather talk about it in person.” </p><p>
  <em> “Mm, suit yourself. It’s not good to carry that kinda stuff around though. It’s bad for a man’s back.”  </em>
</p><p>“I’m sure. See you later, then?”</p><p>
  <em> “Uh-huh. At noon, the psychological damage will commence!” </em>
</p><p>“Funny.”</p><p>Kakeru gave an amused sound. It eased something in Yuki’s chest, if only by a nudging amount. </p><p>When they said their goodbyes, and Yuki was left alone again, he let himself sit for some time longer within the quiet of the room. The house felt too still against the tangles aggravating his heart, a twine of things he hadn’t given himself the time to unravel and straighten. </p><p>But, he breathed. He tried to pick at the knot and find where exactly it would loosen easiest. The burrowing thing in his chest stilled as he contemplated what to say, and how.</p><p>-</p><p>The words didn’t come to him throughout the rest of the morning. They didn’t come to him while he was on the train, or by the time Kakeru spotted him walking into the station’s concourse and called his name so loud it reverberated hollow off the high ceilings. The words sat in him, so easy to say yet so ridiculous in every iteration that his confidence flagged entirely before he had even stepped into Kakeru’s apartment.</p><p>If Kakeru noticed, he didn’t call him out on it. He was content to swing his arm over Yuki’s shoulders for a stretch as they walked, lax but purposed as he steered him into the street where he finally let go at Yuki jabbing his side. He complained of being hungry, talking himself in and out of what he was in the mood to eat, stopping only to ask if Yuki had a preference for one video game over another despite Yuki knowing neither. And while being dragged along in these conversations was usually exhausting, Yuki was inwardly thankful for the distraction. </p><p>The weight in his chest eased for a time. When it returned in full a little later, though, they had already settled down on Kakeru’s living room floor, television on as they sat against the couch (“This seat,” Kakeru had said, before upending a plastic bag with a variety of snacks onto the cushions, “is for the guest of honor.”). Kakeru was in the middle of a round in a game he insisted Yuki play with him; Yuki had passed on it when he asked the first time, saying that he just felt like observing, but when Kakeru asked again, the pit had returned to unsettle his stomach. He passed again. </p><p>“That’s boring,” Kakeru argued, eyes pressed to the screen. He was pouting, but Yuki couldn’t tell if it was because of the game or him. “Are you just chickening out because you’re probably gonna lose?”</p><p><em> “No,” </em> he said, and Kakeru barked a laugh at how defensive it sounded. “I’m serious, it’s not that. I’m just not in the mood.”</p><p>“Alright, alright, fine. I guess you <em> did </em>say you had something on your mind, so, my bad.”</p><p>At that, Kakeru paused the game. He tossed the controller behind him up onto the couch, and without pause or warning, he shifted in such a way that he lied on his back, head landing on Yuki’s thigh. </p><p>“First, though,” he said, “I’m tired! I think I slept like, four hours last night.”</p><p>“What— Kakeru.” Yuki frowned down at him, but didn’t push him off or otherwise motion for him to move. “You shouldn’t have asked me to come by so early, then. I could have come later.”</p><p>“But I was excited to see you!”</p><p>“We see each other almost every day, you know.”</p><p>“Nah, nah, seeing each other at school is different. Besides, what kind of friend would I be if I knowingly let you wallow all by yourself?”</p><p>“I wasn’t <em> wallowing—”  </em></p><p>“Sure, sure, sure.” Kakeru flapped a hand before letting it rest on his stomach. He grinned idly at the frustrated noise that left Yuki’s throat. “Anyways, you should tell me a story.”</p><p>“What?”</p><p>“Tell me a story!”</p><p>“What are you, two?” Now Yuki was shoving him, hand pressed flat to the side of his head. Kakeru laughed through a whine as he refused to move. “Besides, I don’t know any.”</p><p>“Just make one up! I won’t know the difference.”</p><p>Yuki sighed, relenting as he placed his hand on the floor again. This was something he almost figured Kakeru would do — distracting him and trying to lift his spirits before actually talking. He took most of what Yuki said in stride, but there was always an end to the conversation; it was the <em> after </em> that he struggled to deal with. The overtly harsh touches and engagements, and odd, self-assuring gestures made once he had his back turned that Yuki had come to recognize as a prevailing, rare awkwardness when it came down to attempts at comfort. </p><p>He had gotten better at them, or braver, maybe. Millisecond touches suddenly turned into harsher jostles of his shoulder, a flex of his hand that almost seemed to precede asking if Yuki wanted to hold it before bailing out to run it through his own hair. Yuki didn’t mind it. It was kind of funny in retrospect.   </p><p>Belated, though, he realized he might have just made him unnecessarily nervous by saying he needed to tell him something important. </p><p>Kakeru yawned and scrubbed at an eye. Yuki chewed the inside of his cheek. The dissonant tangle set under his sternum had returned, and he felt a wash of urgency hit him again as it had that morning. </p><p>He realized, then, that as unintentional as it was, Kakeru had given him just the opening he needed to talk. He reeled his mind back, to the very basic root of things, and slow, he started.</p><p>“Um. Do you know... the story about the Chinese zodiac?”</p><p>Kakeru exhaled a small, sputtering laugh. The jump in his shoulders hit the side of Yuki’s leg.</p><p>“Everyone knows that story, Yun. It’s for babies.”</p><p>Yuki huffed, short and shallow. It could have been a laugh, but the amusement didn’t reach his face.  </p><p>“I mean the story before the animals.”</p><p>Kakeru made a face, squinting up at him a little. Yuki took it as a no.</p><p>“So... It was about two thousand years ago that the zodiac animals were included in methods of timekeeping, which is technically the zodiac’s purpose. But, before then, the system had been in use for something like five hundred years. The animals weren’t originally a part of it.” </p><p>As he spoke, recounting what he had learned only a short while ago in a lost attempt to understand, he cast his eyes off to the side, down at his hand pressed to the floor. </p><p>“Time,” he continued, “was sectioned off into divisions of twelve. A cycle of twelve years based on Jupiter’s orbit, and then twelve months, down to sectioning a day into twelve, two-hour parts. The system was made with two ordering methods to create the cycle, which is why principles of yin-yang and the five elements come into play. It’s a little complicated, so it’s believed the animals were added as a way to help remember the system. Just a means to make it easier. Fun, maybe.”</p><p>He couldn’t say the word casually. It left his mouth tinged with bittersweet. It was all somewhat technical, but recalling what he had learned left the ache in his chest thudding like a fresh bruise. He remembered being fourteen and newly emancipated from the estate, brimming with a dual sense of starting again and being hopelessly in want of a reason for everything. Nights of sneaking books off of his cousin’s bookshelves in some attempt to find what he wanted — a chance of truth, an explanation for why them, and more pathetically, why <em> him </em>— and being met with a history that, at the time, made him feel as though his very existence had been denoted to nothing more than a whim. </p><p>In his lap, Kakeru made a noise. He rolled away from him, head leaving his leg as he instead shifted and turned to sit in front of Yuki. He mirrored his cross-legged position, sitting in a way that gave just some space between their kneecaps, but he distanced himself as he leaned back onto his hands.</p><p>“Okay,” he said, flat and confused. “So, what about it?” </p><p>Yuki drew a circle on the floor with his finger.</p><p>“There are different legends about why the animals were included, and why they’re ordered in the way they are,” he said. “There’s the story of the banquet, where God invited the animals to a feast.”</p><p>“Uh-huh — that’s the one I know,” Kakeru said.</p><p>“Right. But it’s... incomplete. There’s no telling of what happened after.” </p><p>Yuki moved his hands to hover in his lap, and he tried to calm his nerves some by pitting his thumb against his opposite palm. </p><p>“It’s assumed that once the banquet ended, that was it. The story we know is just about the order of things. About who got there, and when. But if there were any gatherings after that, then the rest of the story has been completely lost to time.”</p><p>Kakeru fussed with a loose thread at the hem of his jeans. As he twisted it around the tip of his finger, he hummed in thought. </p><p>“Well, I mean. It <em> is </em>just a story. It ended because it said what it needed to. It can’t go on forever, right? What would be the point in that?”</p><p>Yuki looked at him, silent, chest pounding. When Kakeru met his eye, he stilled his hand and raised a brow.</p><p>“Woah, what’s that face for?”</p><p>“What I’m saying is that...” Yuki tempered an inhale, but it did nothing to quell the strange, ill feeling sitting square in his core. “There was more to the banquet than just setting up an order for the animals. It was... <em> something </em>more. And it didn’t end at just the first one.” </p><p>Kakeru quieted. Yuki wanted to say it right then — <em> I’m proof that it didn’t end. My brother is proof. My cousins and the hundreds of years of my family’s history are proof. — </em>but he still held himself back. Just barely, now, as something seemed insistent on tearing through him, but he held onto this final thread of staying hidden with a white-knuckle grip.</p><p>So instead, he breathed again, and continued,</p><p>“What the banquet was really for is still unknown. I think, maybe, it started out with good intentions. I think maybe it <em> was </em> just a party, that first time. But each gathering after that, over hundreds of years, over generations... It became a curse, to be a part of the zodiac. Instead of a gathering between friends, it turned into a trap. It became a hostage situation with God.” </p><p>It hurt to say it. It felt good to say it. That wasn’t new to him. The dissonance, though, seemed all the more palpable then, at such a degree he hadn’t felt since he was small. </p><p>He brushed his wrist over his mouth and turned his eyes down to his ankles. He could feel his expression twisting with frustration in his brows and lips, but he didn’t want to cry. He didn’t exactly feel as though he was going to, really, but something in him felt close to breaking that he couldn’t place.</p><p>In front of him, Kakeru leaned forward to slouch some over his legs. He twisted the thread around his finger again and snapped it before saying,</p><p>“Where’d you learn this story from? I’ve never heard it before.”</p><p>Yuki looked at him, and he only hoped it could convey what he needed to say but couldn’t. That it was his reality, his family’s, an ancient and mysterious lineage that was born out of intentions his very soul couldn’t differentiate as pure or cruel. That he was one out of a handful chosen to bear the burden, and carry it with him regardless of if he was strong enough, or if it was right.</p><p>The off-feeling crested in his chest. Kakeru looked at him back, all parts curious and dubious and patient, and waited for him to respond.</p><p>Yuki started to speak.</p><p>“It’s... Kakeru, I’m...” </p><p>He stilled. Kakeru stared.</p><p>“You’re?”</p><p>Yuki didn’t respond. He barely breathed. </p><p>All of a sudden, something had left him feeling airborne.</p><p>Inside of him, there was the sudden sense of leaving. A startling acceleration of something falling away from him, drifting and dire. </p><p>It happened with the speed of something popping<em> , </em>but in that moment, something great typhooned in him before immediately stilling into silence. Silence, peace, and a profound loss. It ached him. It soothed him. His heart felt all the same devastated and at last able to breathe, as though inhabiting his chest for the first time. </p><p>Before he could try to get a grasp on what was leaving, it was gone. A goodbye so sudden it left him searching for something that was no longer there. A leaving gentle as being rolled away on sea foam, never to be touched or seen again.</p><p>He brought a hand to his chest. He felt himself breathe. He felt the thick thud of his heart exist beneath his skin.</p><p>It was only him that remained. </p><p>What he felt next was the heel of Kakeru’s palm scrubbing against his cheekbone. Clumsy, and a bit rough, but not unkind. It felt so blazingly normal against the wreck in his heart that it startled him, and in the same moment, Kakeru drew his hand back.</p><p>“Geez...” Kakeru leaned over him somewhat to grab a napkin from the pile of things on the couch, and he brought it back to Yuki, shaking it against his hand. Yuki took it, but was slow to press it to his cheek. When the napkin started to blot the wet, it was only then that he realized he had started crying.</p><p>Kakeru frowned and placed his hands on his knees. </p><p>“Yun, if you’re trying to tell me something, you know I’m kinda dumb. If this is supposed to be like, a metaphor for something—”</p><p>Yuki shook his head a little, but he felt wordless. Completely upended. With little other sense of what to do just then, he held out his hand near Kakeru’s. Kakeru glanced at it, tentative, but after a moment reciprocated, holding it firm enough for Yuki to feel somewhat tethered again in the moment.</p><p>“Yuki?”</p><p>“Sorry.” Yuki looked away and swiped at his eyes. The tears were coming in such a freefall that he wasn’t sure if they would stop if he tried. “Sorry. This wasn’t... I didn’t think that...” </p><p>The words were lost on him. All he could think to do was hold his friend’s hand.</p><p>Kakeru sat with him for some long moments, quiet and unhurried. Eventually, though, he did let go of Yuki’s hand, if only to move in a half-crawl to instead sit beside him. Yuki drew his leg up to his chest, allowing Kakeru to sit close enough to press his shoulder and arm to his. And though there was some fidgeting pause of him drumming his thumb to his leg, he offered his hand again. Yuki took it, forearm inlaid over Kakeru’s, and finally tried again. </p><p>“This all must be really confusing.”</p><p>“Now that’s what I would call an understatement.” </p><p>“Sorry,” Yuki said again, but this time it was carried by a small laugh. He felt light, as though there were parts of him he had never been able to live in before, spacious and new to him. Hollow rooms that made his voice bounce off the walls. “There's just something I’ve thought about telling you for a while, but I always ended up too afraid to say anything. I thought it was better to just ignore it. It’s complicated. It doesn’t make a lot of sense.”</p><p>“Wait, you’re afraid to say something to me?” Out of the corner of his eye, Yuki saw Kakeru turn his head somewhat to look at him. “Why?”</p><p>“It's not exactly an easy thing to understand. I didn't want to freak you out." </p><p>“So what if you freak me out?”</p><p>Yuki paused. He looked at him.</p><p>“Huh?”</p><p>“Well, I dunno.” Kakeru shrugged, and it jostled Yuki a little. “There’s lots of stuff I don’t get about you. But you’re still my best friend, you know? I don’t have to understand everything, but I at least want the chance to try.”</p><p>He said it surely, yet in a way that was reserved. Something confidential. Yuki felt a warmth swarm his stomach, and he looked away to swipe at his eyes again to clear them.</p><p>“...Thanks. Um. It’s something that’s been in my family for... I don’t even know how long. Hundreds of years, probably. Something passed down to just a few of us every generation.”</p><p>“What, like a disease?”</p><p>“No, it's... more like a curse.”</p><p>He let the word sit between them. Kakeru hummed low and wiggled his fingers against Yuki’s hand, thinking. Yuki swallowed, nervous, but not panicky as before.</p><p>“Don’t think too hard about it,” he said. “It doesn’t have any rational answers. The important thing is that... It hurt me, for a long time. I was never able to just feel like myself — there was always something to hide, and something to be ashamed of. It made it difficult to be around others. It was something that... <em> lived </em> in me, like a trapped animal.” </p><p>It was a minor admission, and yet Yuki felt a weight slough off from him. Though he didn’t spell it out entirely, it was the closest he had ever gotten to saying it out loud. </p><p>Kakeru made another noise, still processing. In the meantime, Yuki sighed and let himself slouch a little. His cheek pressed to his friend’s shoulder. Under him, he felt Kakeru tense for a moment before relaxing again. </p><p>“It’s... gone, now,” Yuki continued. “I don’t really know how, or why. And it’s strange. I’m happy, but it’s also like I’ve just lost a part of myself. It’s something I’ve lived with my entire life, and it just...”</p><p>He waved his free hand vaguely in front of him. Kakeru stayed quiet for a moment longer.</p><p>“...I don’t really get it,” he said at last. “Like, I kinda do, but. Not really. You confused me with all the zodiac stuff, so my brain’s kind of scrambled.”</p><p>“I know. That’s okay. There’s more I want to tell you, but...” He squeezed Kakeru's hand gently, reassuring himself. “Is this okay for now?” </p><p>Kakeru considered the question, tilting his head.</p><p>“Sure, I guess. I mean, you’re feeling better now, right?”</p><p>“Yeah.”</p><p>“Then, yeah.” He gave a quick squeeze to Yuki's hand in return. “It’s okay. Just don’t leave me hanging for too long, ‘kay? Because now I'm curious. I want you to tell me.”</p><p>Yuki smiled. He nodded a little, feeling his skin warm with gratitude. There was so much space in him now that he didn’t know what to fill it with, but all he could manage to think was <em> thank you. Thank you, </em>over and over again, amplifying until he felt his chest fill with nothing but grace. </p><p>“Okay,” he said. Kakeru nudged his shoulder against him, and his smile split just a little wider as he let himself laugh, soft but joyed. “Deal."</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>title is from <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i_QSjWGtwTo">hello san francisco</a></p><p>hmu @ yunsoh.tumblr.com</p></blockquote></div></div>
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